Friday, January 4, 2008

A Haunting Melody

This wouldn't be so difficult
If not for that clock
A constant reminder of my fate
I cannot ignore it
This room
So lonely
11 minutes..
Looking around me
At least I'll stop smoking
What sweet irony
You were wrong mom
Smoking won't kill me
Sweaty palms
Should have taken that sedative
Where did it all go wrong?
That night is but a blur
Too late now
Amazing grace
At least the meatballs were good
This day
The cruel finality
No more relationships
No more laughter
No more pain
God, are you there?
Are you real?
Are you Santa Claus?
What will it be like?
The agony of anticipation
I hear the footsteps
Growing closer…nearer…louder
Stay calm
Is this it?
I will maintain my dignity
Can I?
I still hear them
He says nothing
Unlocking the door
Sympathetic eyes
"It's time"
I'm fine
Deep breaths
No need for shackles
After all, where am I going?
The walk
Not as dramatic as I thought
The comforting chaplain
Measured steps
Avoid the cracks
The door
This is it
Maybe I'm dreaming
I feel cold
Their peering eyes
They hope for solace
I have none to offer
I hate needles
Now I lay me down to sleep
I see my reflection in the glass
I do not recognize him
They need an explanation
I have none to give
I feel their rage…their scowls…their hateI feel …peace

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